The Wild Bill Show

I wish I had a special chip in my brain that recorded all the crazy things that go on here so they could be downloaded directly into the computer. Every day absolutely terrible and remarkably wonderful things happen with the kids. I love and hate them quite dearly. I don't believe there will ever come a time when one becomes my favorite. The moment I decide one of the boys is easier to be around, for certain, something like pooping behind the bed or screaming on the floor in Jack in the Box happens.

A couple mornings ago I took the kids to their YMCA Wonderkids class, then we played in the park, hiked along some nature trails, grabbed a couple things at Marshalls, picked up a snail to battle the algae in Moe's fish tank from Petsmart, and went to get in the truck to head home. Nate had to pee, so back to Petsmart or on to the nearby Jack in the Box fast food restaurant to powder our noses and grab some grub? It was noon, so Nate, Will and I held hands and trekked the couple hundred feet or so of open parking lot, through the drive thru, to the Jack in the Box. Will had had his fill of activity for the morning and chose to show me by forcing me to drag him about 15 feet along the way. When I didn't get the hint, he decided to let me see his more recently active dark side. dadada daaa

There happened to be a fairly decent line in a fairly cramped space at Jack in the Box. We squeezed in and got in line to wait our turn. Something, thankfully, Nate is able to understand and accept as part of life. Will, however, is still quite certain that when he wants something he should be able to have it immediately. This goes for fruit snacks and rides, particularly. Will whined and cried off and on in line. I placed our order just in time to see the Wild Bill Show.

One of the employees had given us petri dish samples of fruit smoothies. Something I'd think would appease a cranky boy. However, Will seemed to be undecided if it should be sipped or miraculously sucked through a straw without spilling (note: petri dish style cup). I tried to help him, but he just wasn't in the mood. He ended up on his back screaming bloody murder, kicking his legs, spinning side to side and battling me for his petri cup. He was pulling so hard on his smoothie sample I couldn't let go or it would have splattered everywhere. (time out: I just had to run to the bathroom. I think I ate bad dried blueberries. That's why I'm typing on the computer at 10:45pm!) Anyhoo, I eventually pried the cup from those naughty little talons and managed to splatter only a couple of people, Will, and the floor. A tall, well-put-together woman in scrubs asked if she could help me. "I've been there, too," she said. Very nice. I should have told her "yes, please deal with my son who's throwing a tantrum on a nasty floor while I step out and find myself a Starbucks."

While Will let loose with his infamously piercing, high pitched screeching, one of the employees loaded me up with all my bags, a chocolate milk and my diet coke. I put what I could in my backpack but was still loaded up pretty well. I got the boys out of the restaurant (as Nate said, "at least I was a good boy, mama") and started to make my way back to our truck ASAP.

We made a lovely spectacle of ourselves in front of numerous cars waiting at the drive thru. Immediately Will dropped to the ground. I tried lifting him and forcing him to walk, but with Nate's hand and three bags in my right hand, I only had my left to try to finagle the little bugger into walking on his own. I could feel Will's little bones in his hand popping and was afraid his little arm was going to come right off, so I let him drop to the ground where I got as much of his shirt as I could into my hand so I could lift him without hurting him. I got about 10 steps out of him before he tried a very successful "spin move". He started twirling to the left until his shirt was so tight it was choking him. Great. Real nice. I had to set him down again and all I could do was try to hold him up against my body with my left arm. A little awkward but a lot quicker. After walking maybe a hundred feet like that, I got the little banshee into his seat (which is always a battle, anyway) and gave him chicken strips (be happy!) which were immediately slapped off my pancakes. Will screamed bloody murder for the next 10 minutes in the car before he passed out. Amen.

I was parched from the ordeal and needed a good chug of my pop. (Hmm... where the heck is my pop? Where is my G-D pop!? I must have set it down when I put the boys in their seats. No, not on the floor. Is it on my back bumper as I'm driving down the freeway? Should I pull over and see? I'm so thirsty! All I want is a big sip of ice cold pop on this hot, God-forsaken morning and I probably left it on the ground when I had to readjust William! The drive-thru-ers didn't even give me a heads up. I try to make for a fun day, I resisted the temptation to give Will a thump in the chest, and I don't even get rewarded with a sip. !?) Needless to say, I wasn't just a little upset I couldn't find my pop. I was raging hot. Furious. I fumed. I cussed big bad words to myself. I drank hot flavored water I'd had in my console.

Though Will can be a serious Pill, as described in the episode above; he can also be a remarkably good boy. One of his highlights includes giving great smooches out of the blue to me, Rick, his brother and friends, and his stuffed animals. He sleeps with three hard, plastic bath toys: two sharks (one big, one small) and a killer whale, and occasionally a red plastic boat with a white sail. Will also loves to help clean up and put things back in there respective places. He is always happy to share his toys with others (it's a miracle!). Nate screams and tries to rip things out of Will's hands, so we just tell Nate to ask nicely and, sure enough, Will passes over whatever is fancying Nate. Plus, Will has a lovely, yet devilish grin that melts the heart.

He's a kick in the pants, too. The other day I was using the bathroom. My typical after the morning coffee job. Will comes in and happily declares "poofy" and gets the air freshener from under the sink and brings it to me. What excellent service!